But before I tell you about it . . .
Do you ever have those moments when it's hard to pray because you are, well, I guess afraid to? It could be because you didn't do something you were supposed to. Or it could be because you made a huge mistake. Or maybe you have a question, but you're afraid of the answer. Or maybe it could just be because you feel frustrated and ashamed from making the same dumb mistakes over and over again. This last one is me. I feel that way often. I worry that Heavenly Father gets tired of hearing the same things over and over again, "Sorry I didn't do better today. Please help me do better tomorrow." It makes it hard to want to pray.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes.
Back to the story. One of the kids has a hard time waking up to go to the bathroom so we often times have to deal with that during the night. This particular night this child seemed like they were trying to take care of it themselves. Luckily, I'm a pretty light sleeper and realized something was up. While I was helping them clean up, I sensed the child's reluctance to come to me for help and I hugged them and whispered,
"You don't ever have to be afraid to come to me."
And immediately, during the middle of a random night, through clouds of sleepy grogginess, I felt that zap of clarity, that those words came from my Father and that they were true.
So I try to remember that when I feel ashamed or unworthy of prayer. I don't know if that's helpful to anyone out there, I hope maybe it can be. But mostly I write it for me, so I don't forget I don't ever have to be afraid.
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| Painting "Lost Lamb" by Del Parson |
3 comments:
Oh, that is so beautiful. I've definitely felt the same way before. Some thoughts that have helped me have hope even through all my weaknesses and failings are these: first, think of when you're watching a newborn learn to walk. They fall down and fall down but you are still excited for them. You know that if they keep trying, they'll get it eventually. It would be really sad to see a baby just give up because they had fallen so much. And I've listened to this talk from Elder Bednar dozens of times in the last couple of weeks: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng
The thought from his talk that stuck out to me was this:
"I suggest that you thoroughly study and prayerfully ponder the statement of Brigham Young and these verses from 2 Nephi. Neither passage asserts that the physical body is inherently evil. Rather, they teach that we live in a fallen world. The very elements out of which our bodies were created are by nature fallen and ever subject to the pull of sin, corruption, and death. Thus, the Fall of Adam and its consequences affect us most directly through our physical bodies. And yet as President Young stated, we are dual creatures, for at the same time that we inhabit a physical body that is subject to the Fall, we also have a spirit that represents the eternal part of us. We are the spirit sons and daughters of God and have inherited divine qualities from Him. The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following questions: Will my body rule over my spirit, or will my spirit rule over my body? Will I yield to the enticings of the natural man or to the eternal man? That, brothers and sisters, is the test. We are here on the earth to develop godlike qualities and to learn to bridle all of the passions of the flesh"
That helped me realize that it is just a battle to have my spirit rule over my flesh, and that it will be a lifelong battle. That doesn't mean I'm a failure.
I don't know if this long comment is helpful to you, but thanks for sharing your late night insight. I think you are amazing.
Thank you, Tasha! I love that perspective of watching a baby learn to walk! That really helps. And I definitely appreciate that quote by Elder Bednar (he's awesome isn't he?) and will be reading that article. Thanks so much for sharing this!
I feel the same way! Thanks for the insight...I think we too often forget, He is our father and loves us perfectly.
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